Finding Your People

Today I had the pleasure of participating in the #LeadLAP Twitter chat and was once again reminded of just how powerful personal learning networks are.

Education in America is a funny thing. Teachers are encouraged to promote collaboration and collective learning every day for students, but we are typically isolated in our classrooms and given very few opportunities to engage with each other during the work day.

This creates an environment where educators have very little face time with their peers, making it difficult to build relationships and collaborate in any meaningful way. And because of the heavy responsibility of fostering relationships and inspiring learning for 150+ students every day, our emotional and mental energy is often sapped by the time the dismissal bell rings.

It’s hard to know what the answer is, quite honestly, on a large scale. From underfunding for schools to leadership that can be slow to change, it feels impossible.

But for those like-minded educators out there who want a change, take heart. We don’t have to wait on the budgets and class schedules and construction of our school to shift in order for us to build collaboration and camaraderie.

Here are a few things I’ve done over the years to foster those important relationships within the current structure of our educational system.

  • Set aside 30 minutes of time each week to meet with your team. Be it grade level, content, or just those teachers you naturally gravitate toward, find time to meet with people in your building who inspire and empower you. Use that time to reflect, share teaching strategies, or discuss your strengths and growth areas. Keep the conversations uplifting and solutions-focused as best you can so that you leave that time and place feeling energized and seen.
  • Seek out feedback and insight from school leaders you trust. One of the most professionally rewarding relationships I have has grown out of a deep need I had of tackling a challenging situation with a student. I walked into the office of my assistant principal earlier this year with tears in my eyes and simply said, “I don’t know what to do here.” He gave me time to share, listened to me, and together we developed a plan to help this child. I learned many valuable lessons in this experience, the most significant being that it is okay to admit when you need something. From your principal to the leader of your grade level, find a person you respect who has a bit more experience than you and let them walk with you through the mess. You will both be stronger for it.
  • Make time for your own personal growth and development. We educators tend to be laser focused on helping our students grow while neglecting our own needs. The oxygen mask example still rings true: you cannot help someone if you’re not helping yourself first. Whether it’s on Saturdays mornings while you sip that second cup of coffee or a weekday evening after dinner, find time to invest in yourself. Read a book by one of your favorite education authors. Or listen to an education-related podcast. Maybe just write a few paragraphs of self-reflection on your practice this year. Whatever strikes your fancy, just do it.

At the end of this school year, I’ll be walking into my second decade of teaching. I have grown immensely over these ten years, and I couldn’t have done it without relationships. People pouring their knowledge and expertise into my open, willing-to-learn soul. And I couldn’t have done it without pouring into myself.

So as we continue on in this second semester of the school year, I encourage you to look for ways that you can use the relationships with people around you – and your relationship with yourself – to help you grow. And I can’t wait to hear how this practice molds and shapes you. Find me on Twitter and tell me about it!

On Love and Belonging

This past week, I had the honor and true privilege to train at the Ron Clark Academy (RCA) in Atlanta, Georgia. For you non-educators out there, RCA is a non-profit private school that mostly serves students from low-income households. Co-founded by Ron Clark and Kim Bearden, the school also actively trains educators from all over the world on how to build a learning community bursting with light and student engagement and a family-like connectedness that I’ve never seen before. I heard about Ron Clark eight years ago during my first year of teaching, and it has been a dream of mine ever since to see this special school and learn from some of the best educators in the world.

Students at the Ron Clark Academy | Photo by Teach Me, Teacher

As I spoke with RCA teachers and students over the course of two days, the thing that stood out to me most was the true love they had for each other. And as I started to pull back that truth a bit, I noticed something else: the adults at RCA exude this humble self-assurance that is downright intoxicating.

They are not perfect, nor are they proud. They are not stuck up or high-and-mighty, as we used to say in my family. But RCA educators know themselves. They are assured of who they are and what they are capable of and what they are there to do.

In this moment of realization, something clicked in my mind. I learned from Brene Brown years ago that in order to truly belong anywhere, I must first belong to myself.

The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.

Brene Brown

I’ve known for a long time that those who know themselves in deep and abiding ways are able to better love others with the same depth. But I never transposed that same thinking to my career as an educator.

If I am not working from a place of strong self-acceptance and mindfulness, then I am going to crash and burn.

As I reflected on myself, I started to lean a bit closer to the proverbial mirror for a closer look. Who am I? What are my gifts as an educator? What are some ways that I can bring who I am into the classroom and allow those special qualities in me inspire students every day as they learn? These are questions I’ve never really asked of myself before. I’ve used hundreds of teaching strategies and methods. I’ve gone outside the box more times than I can count to get my students engaged and motivated to learn over the past eight years. But in all of that, I wasn’t considering myself and my gifts at all. And I think that’s really where it should start.

I can pour all of myself entirely into my work as a teacher, but if I am not working from a place of strong self-acceptance and mindfulness, then I am going to crash and burn.

And I have. Year after year after year, I find myself crawling to the end of May like my life depends on it. This might be your experience, too.

Seeing this error is not enough, I know. In order for me to get out of this all-too-common rut, I must be willing to make some changes.

turned on pendant lamp
Photo by Burak Kebapci on

1. I need to re-examine my gifts and talents. What things bring me joy? What am I good at? What about me blesses and encourages others? These are all questions I need to lean into and ask – not just of myself, but also of those who know me well.

2. I need to find my tool. Brandon Fleming, a former educator at the Ron Clark Academy, shared with us on Friday about finding our tool to engage students and bring the classroom to life. For him, it’s debate. For Wade King, Social Studies and Current Events teacher at RCA, it’s music. Each teacher at the Ron Clark Academy has a go-to tool that empowers them to draw students in and actively participate in the learning process. As I rest and recuperate this summer, I will be exploring what tool I need to develop in order to do the same.

3. I need to put relationships at the center. At the Ron Clark Academy, none of the chants and songs and dances and engaging class activities would work without the family-like community they have. I’ve written before about the significance of a positive classroom culture and strong student-teacher relationships. After visiting RCA, I’m an even bigger believer in the transforming power that love and care can have in the classroom.

Several years ago, when I found myself in the midst of a devastating divorce, I found rock bottom. And it was in that place of profound darkness and fear and desperation that I came to truly know and love myself for the first time in my entire life. With the help of a few close friends and family members and my therapist, I worked for years to build a new life, one that is authentically real. I know the power that comes with finding oneself and living in that new light. And I can’t wait to see the changes that take place in my classroom now that I am learning to apply that same life-changing perspective in my role as an educator.

Thank you, Kim, and all of the the other incredible RCA faculty and staff. You have given me a gift that will impact my life and the lives of thousands of students for years to come.

The Sunday Night Struggle Bus

I don’t know about you, but around 4pm on Sundays, I start a brief period of melancholy. I can feel the weekend coming to a close, and I’m bracing myself for the week ahead… teaching lessons that require a lot of emotional energy, wading through difficult situations with students and their parents, balancing work and life obligations, trying to squeeze in “fun” time with my kids and husband.. Just typing all of that out makes me want to take a nap.

Only those who are teachers or deeply know teachers understand just how demanding our profession can be. When my husband and I started dating a few years ago, he was truly stunned at the amount of work I put in during a regular work week. And that was in May, one of the chillest, most laid-back months of the school year!

If you find yourself on the Sunday Night Struggle Bus during the school year, know that you’re not alone. And remember you are doing some of the most significant work in the world. 

Teaching is one of the most under-appreciated jobs in our nation. Until a seven-day series of snow days hit and parents would gladly give two months’ salary just to get their kids out of their hair and back in the classroom. Don’t believe me? Watch this Atlanta mama begging for area schools to open their doors. (Not gonna lie, I spit out my coffee laughing so hard, so be careful!)

I know that your job isn’t easy, and I know it takes a lot out of you. But you. are. a. difference. maker. At the end of your career, hundreds of grown adults will look back on their educational experience and remember you, the teacher who loved them and showed up. So keep on keepin’ on.

This week, I’m gonna be thinking about all my teacher-readers out there when I feel like calling in for a mental health day. We got this.

Empathy and Consent

Empathy is the starting point for creating a community and taking action. It’s the impetus for creating change.” Max Carver

As more people come forward with their #metoo and #churchtoo stories, their courage and bravery is being put to the test by people who are questioning and victim-blaming and choosing to stand alongside perpetrators instead of those who survived horrific abuse.

Show me a comment or a statement that fits one of the above categories and I’ll show you someone who lacks empathy. Their inability or downright refusal to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and have compassion for the survivor’s experience allows them the convenience of ignoring what these bold and heroic truth-tellers have lived through.


At the heart of this lack of empathy is fear and – dare I say it – cowardice. I believe these words from Dr. Maya Angelou to the depth of my soul: I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.

I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.

As parents, it is our job to raise children who are able and willing to live empathetic, open-hearted lives. These skills do not come naturally, particularly in our self-obsessed culture. But there is hope for all of us. There are things we can do as parents and as adults who love the children in our lives to instill a deep sense of compassion and understanding in the hearts of the little ones around us. If you want your child or niece or nephew or godson or goddaughter or student to be one who stands up for the marginalized and victimized and ostracized and “others” in our society, read on. Let’s prepare ourselves to do this important work together.

What is empathy?

Richard Weissbourd and Stephanie Jones of the Making Caring Common Project say it best:

Empathy begins with the capacity to take another perspective, to walk in another’s shoes. But it is not just that capacity… Empathy includes valuing other perspectives and people. It’s about perspective-taking and compassion.

At the heart of empathy is a life-changing marrying of others-centered perspective and compassion. Without these two essential ingredients, a person’s heart is void of the ability to empathize.

Imagine that your best friend collapses onto your couch in heaving sobs, telling you that her husband has just filed for divorce. She’s blindsided and grief-stricken. What’s your initial response? If it’s to pat her on the shoulder and say, “This must be really hard for you,” then you need some practice in the empathy department.

Empathy is entering the pain of another person instead of hovering around on the outside talking about how bad it all must feel.

Empathy looks like you drawing your friend into your chest and bawling your head off with her and listening to her pain and directing your energy at feeling what she’s feeling as best you can. It looks like you sitting with her until she is ready to move and not a minute earlier. Empathy is entering the pain of another person instead of hovering around on the outside talking about how bad it all must feel.

Empathy is not easy and it is not always convenient, but it is brave and loving and completely necessary in the life of a human being.

Why is empathy necessary?

Because it the foundational skill of ethical, honest and true relationships. You cannot show up for the people around you if you do not have empathy muscles. This important skill enables us to truly connect with the people in our lives.

I believe one reason why abuse is so widely accepted and unpunished in our society is because people who have never been abused are afraid of empathizing with someone who has lived through such a traumatic experience. It requires them to get uncomfortable, to admit that this world is a really messed up place sometimes. Empathy requires a person to relinquish their preconceived notions about abuse victims (they asked for it, they deserved it, if only they hadn’t x-y-z) and instead consider that these survivors actually did nothing wrong and their perpetrators are the ones to blame.

girls-1031538_1920Empathy is particularly necessary in the life of your child because as kids develop the skills to walk in someone else’s shoes, they are being prepared to flip the tables on the safe haven our society gives abusers and perpetrators. As our children learn how to recognize and understand and feel what someone else is feeling, they will be empowered to stand up against victimization and exploitation of people around them.

What does empathy have to do with consent?

child-1871104_1920The ability to empathize prepares kids to engage in real conversations and real life situations when it comes to consent. Because empathy forces us to appreciate and value others, it frames relationships in a very different way. To someone who is empathetic, people don’t exist to serve them or give them what they want. People exist to be known and loved and cared for. This unselfish and others-focused perspective grows in a child and results in a whole human being who is capable of building deep connections with others.

If you examine the roots of abuse and assault, there is an element of off-the-charts self-centeredness. Perpetrators are blinded by their own wants and desires to the point that they can’t see the other person as an actual human being. By developing a strong sense of empathy in our children, we are helping them understand from an early age that every person is valuable and worthy of respect.

So when the time comes for them to engage in one-on-one relationships with people to whom they are attracted, they will have the tools to see that person as far more than just an object of their desire.


Teaching empathy isn’t the only thing a parent must do to raise a mindful person who respects others’ boundaries, but it’s a good place to start.

A final word…

To the mamas and daddies out there who find themselves paralyzed with fear sometimes at the world we are raising our children in, I want you to know you’re not alone. As a mama of two pre-adolescent boys, I’m right there with you.

Another thing I want you to know is that we have a glorious opportunity to empower our children and prepare them for many of the challenges they will face. It takes courage and bravery and a willingness to have awkward conversations sometimes, but I know that it will be worth it.

For some practical ways to build empathy in your child, check out “How Parents Can Cultivate Empathy in Children” by Richard Weissbourd and Stephanie Jones. Thank you for caring about this important topic. I’m glad to know that we are all walking this road together.

Classroom Culture and Why It Matters

When educators talk about culture in their classrooms, what exactly does that mean? How does culture impact the learning environment? Has “classroom culture” become another buzz-phrase in the teacher world, just another thing to put on a teacher’s to-do list?

Over the past eight years, I’ve taught in classrooms filled with students who had at least one parent either dead or in jail, students who didn’t know where their next meal was going to come from. I’ve also taught in classrooms with students who came from families with a median household income of six figures and two parents who were still married.

While I have seen innumerable differences between these two very contrasting groups of students, at least one thing always remains the same: the significance of the classroom culture.

Today, I’d like to share with you some thoughts on what classroom culture really is (this is a commonly misunderstood classroom management concept), how it affects the learning environment and how you can transform your classroom culture today in just three easy ways. Let’s jump in, shall we?

What is classroom culture?

According to the Baldrige Criteria for Performance Excellence, a classroom’s culture is the way students feel when they are in your classroom. It involves not only the physical structure of your classroom but also teacher-student and peer-to-peer relationships.

If you think about the general definition of culture – the way of life of a group of people – this makes complete sense.

Classroom culture is the co-mingling of the physical space and how everyone works together – or not – within the four walls of your classroom.

Classroom culture is the co-mingling of the physical space and how everyone works together – or not – within the four walls of your classroom. What are the teacher and student patterns of behavior that emerge on a daily basis? How do students learn in your classroom? What is your relationship like with your students? How do your students relate to each other?

Classroom culture includes the “vibe” of learning, but it’s determined by how everyone “lives” together in your classroom as well.

How does classroom culture affect the learning environment?

When I stepped foot in Room 101, my first classroom, all I had was about thirty student desks, the teacher’s edition of a textbook that didn’t align with my course’s standards, and a Bachelor of Arts degree in History.

I was one of three white teachers in a school that was 99.9% African-American. Almost every child at my school received a free lunch because of their family’s low income status. Most of my students lived in single parent households with multiple siblings.

We had 11-year-olds who were already gang members. The second week of school, we were put on lock down because two men were shooting at each other directly across the street.

I hadn’t completed a teacher education program. I had no formal teacher training. To put it mildly, on paper it would seem I was ill-equipped for the job. But what I did have was some damn empathy.

You see, just two years prior, I had been living under the poverty level, receiving every form of government assistance for which I was qualified and trying desperately to raise two boys born fifteen and a half months apart on my own. Their father and I were still married, but he was unreliable at best.

It took a lot of work, but I clawed my way out of that deep hole of a life (more on that in a different blog post) and in the process found my true calling – teaching.

Because of those experiences, I knew what it meant to be hungry, to be scared of what lies ahead, to feel trapped by other people’s choices and mistakes, to think that it was hopeless to dream of a successful future. And so when I looked in my students’ eyes and saw the same fear and uncertainty I’d experienced, I knew what they needed: someone to listen, someone to care.

At the end of the day, the content and standards you teach your students don’t matter at all if your students don’t think that you care about them. Inversely, if your students know that you care about them, they will work their tails off to make you proud.

The Baldrige Criteria for Performance Excellence puts it like this:

Without acceptance and trust, students’ energy may be diverted from learning to self-protection. A trusting environment empowers students to become accountable for their own learning and the learning of others.

A student cannot do his or her best work while also worrying about the tense relationships going on in the background. Just as a family thrives on the health of its relationships, so does a classroom. And as the adult in the room, this responsibility falls to you.

Now, I know this might seem daunting. Your job is difficult already with the school and district and state mandates pouring down on you, many of them having nothing to actually do with educating your students. If you’re anything like me, you also have a very rich but demanding personal or family life that also needs your attention and effort.

Trust me, I get it. That’s why I’ve nailed down three changes you can start making today – yep, today – in an effort to steer the culture of your classroom in a more positive direction.

3 Steps Toward a Positive Classroom Culture

Step 1: Take an Honest Look

Consider how students might answer these questions in order to get to the heart of what the culture in your classroom might be like:

  • Do students in your classroom feel accepted or judged?
  • Do they feel free to risk or are they afraid to make a mistake because of how you or their classmates will react?
  • Do they feel empowered in their learning or do they feel like they will never measure up?

I know that considering your students’ answers to these questions might not be comfortable, but if you truly want to provide them with a nurturing, productive learning environment, you must be willing to consider your classroom from your students’ perspective. This will allow you to make changes so they feel more at ease and inspired to do their best.

If you’re feeling particularly brave, one way to get a true sense of your classroom’s culture is to give your students an inventory. Have your students rate their experience in your class so far and see what your culture’s strengths and growth areas are.

Analyzing your classroom from the point of view of your students will also provide you an opportunity to celebrate the things you’re doing right. If you’re anything like me, as I read through the results of my first classroom culture survey, I was stunned to see just how many students felt like they could make mistakes in my classroom without fear of being made fun of or teased.

I knew I had worked hard to create a nurturing environment, but I didn’t think my students noticed. It felt good to know that I was at least doing one thing right! I’m sure you’ll have similar “a-ha!” moments if you’re willing to take an honest look at your classroom from a different perspective.

Conducting a survey like this takes courage, but you’re a teacher. If you can handle teaching a hundred or so kids every flu and cold season, I know you can handle this.

Step 2: Throw Out Your Class Rules

The first week of school this year, I led my students in team-building and get-to-know-you activities. I wanted to give them a chance to learn about the people they’d be working alongside in US History for 180 days. After playing a few games and doing a reflection activity or two, by the third day, they were ready.

It was time for them to make the rules.

You see, in my class, I only have one rule: Respect. We talk about what that looks like nearly every day. It covers all the bases because if you trace back every class rule you’ve ever had for your students, I’m sure that the path would lead you to respect of something – self, others, supplies, the classroom space, the learning environment.

To help my students see this rule in action, they were split into teams to develop a class contract, a list of statements that would guide how we act in Room 110. I asked them to consider a few things…

  • What does the perfect school look like?
  • What does the perfect classroom look like?
  • What does the perfect teacher look like?
  • What does the perfect student look like?

They discussed their thoughts and filled out a chart like the one above to categorize their thoughts. And then I asked the biggest and bravest question of the day:

What must we do in this classroom to ensure that we are ¹creating the best classroom environment and ²being the best teacher and students we can be?

They were given the rest of the class period to come up with five to ten statements that would guide our behaviors for the rest of the year. You see, as teachers, we cannot hold our students to a standard that we also are not willing to follow. This class contract is one that we would all agree to and abide by.

You wouldn’t believe some of the incredible ideas they came up with…

“We will allow each other to make mistakes.”

“We will respect each other’s views even if we don’t agree.”

“We will be caring, compassionate, and empathetic.”

“We will listen more and talk less.”

Each team in each of my five classes came up with some remarkable stuff. For each class, I drafted a ballot of each statement the teams had come up with and they voted on the top five. Those special guidelines guide and shape our classroom every day, and the students are bought in because they came up with the statements in the first place, not me.

This gives them ownership and a sense of belonging. It’s a game changer!

(For all the primary teachers out there, check out this resource that might be helpful for you.)

Step 3: Build Relationships

The key to classroom culture is relationships. If they are tense or untrusting, then the whole thing falls apart. I teach almost 150 kids every day. I know how daunting it can feel to make each one of your students feel special, but here are some easy ways to let students know you care without breaking the bank or wearing yourself thin:

Stand at your classroom door and greet each child by name as they come in. We all love hearing our names spoken to us. (As long as it ain’t my momma using my full name when I’m in trouble!) Remembering each of your students’ names and speaking to them directly kicks your day off with them in such a positive way. This will also allow you to notice if one of your students seems upset or unusually distant so that you can check in with them later.

Smile. A lot. And mean it! Your students know when you’re being fake, so find SOMETHING to smile about. Even if it’s because you’re looking forward to hitting the Mexican restaurant up after school with all your teacher friends for margaritas and chips and salsa, find a reason to be happy. Remember that you set the tone in your classroom for students to follow.

Intentionally encourage your students. Take time to circulate the classroom while your students are working and boost them up in specific ways… “I love the way you use color, Alex, to categorize your thoughts,” “Hannah, you do a great job leading your group when things get tough,” “Jess, I saw your mom in Kroger yesterday! She is so proud of the hard work you’ve been putting into pom this year.” These are all easy things to say, but they reflect sincerity and the fact that I know my students and I am paying attention to them and their lives.

Attend your students’ extra-curricular activities. Honestly, this is the hardest one for me. And it’s the one I need the most growth. I have a son in 5th grade and another in 6th. Our afternoons are crammed full of after-school activities and homework and family stuff. But one goal I’ve made for myself this semester is to attend one after-school activity of my students each month. It requires planning and sacrifice, but I know it will make a difference.

I know that shifting the culture of a classroom might feel daunting. I promise you, though, if you pick just one thing from this article to try with your students, it will make a difference.

When it’s all said and done, your students simply need to know that you are present and that you are for them.

When it’s all said and done, your students simply need to know that you are present and that you are for them. Once they know that, their actions will start to reflect it and you’ll see your classroom environment grow and change like never before.

Thank you for caring enough about your students to give them the best kind of learning environment possible… one where they belong.